McCain’s VP Selection: Desperate and Insulting

August 29, 2008

Mr. McCain you have succeeded in deeply insulting all women, something you have historically reserved for your wives. On the morning that follows one of the greatest speeches of my lifetime, a speech that affirmed my hope that America is indeed a better country than it has been the past eight years, you are wallowing in the worst kind of political cynicism, attempting to bolster your electability through replacing our hopes of a qualified female candidate for President with an unqualified female Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. I guess you think us gals won’t know the difference.

Vast numbers of women supported Hillary Clinton because she is brilliant, remarkable, and exceedingly qualified to be President, not simply because she has a vagina (or, to use your terminology, a cunt). Hillary Clinton supports the rights of women. Sarah Palin is staunchly opposed to abortion rights. Hillary Clinton has served publicly on the national stage for many years. Sarah Palin was the mayor of Wasilla, a town of less than 7,000 people, and has only been governor of one of the Union’s smallest states for about a year and a half. Hillary Clinton’s intellectual prowess propelled her to Wellesley Collage and Yale Law School. Sarah Palin went to the University of Idaho on a scholarship earned in a beauty contest. She followed this distinction reporting sports for her local news. You obviously cannot tell the difference between a qualified female candidate and Sarah Palin, but we can. Are we all cunts to you—some of us easier on the eyes and more politically expedient than others?

Your selection demonstrates how little you think of women. If you felt that your only hope at winning this election was a female running mate, why didn’t you pick Kay Bailey Hutchison? You couldn’t stand looking at her 65-year-old ass day after day? If you had to choose a woman, only a beauty queen would do? You must really underestimate the intelligence of the female electorate. You think you can slip in some unqualified bimbo and all us ladies will go crazy and vote for you because we want anyone with boobies in the White House?

You are old and do not appear to be in the best of health, and this woman could actually be the leader of the free world if you are elected and are unable to complete your term. You actually think Obama lacks the experience necessary to be President, but Sarah Palin is ready to serve?

Despite your clumsy attempt at a sleight-of-hand, I am not daunted. We are better than this.

—L. Fitzgerald

Posted in politics

5 Responses to “McCain’s VP Selection: Desperate and Insulting”

l-train said:

August 29th, 2008 at 4:06 pm

mccain looks like a bloated drowning victim that has drifted ashore. he needs a hot lady to balance him out.
Cobra said:

August 30th, 2008 at 9:12 am

At a minimum, his pick signifies that he believes that there are more bitter and blind Hillary weirdos out there than there are people who who are concerned with Obama’s relative lack of DC experience. That misjudgment, in and of itself, becomes a reason not to vote for McCooCoo.
Nitro said:

August 31st, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Her really conservative, anti-woman, anti-environment politics aside, Gov. Palin is probably a really nice lady, a very good mom, and a smart, tough cookie. Her husband looks like he think the sun rises and sets upon her. After all, she runs the show pretty efficiently, she’s not hard on the eyes, and her eye glasses even make her look kind of smart–bookish-sexy if you want. She has likely even been an effective local politician–shaking the Alaska estabishment’s tree and all that. But, really, vice President of the United States? That is just CRAZY. He may as well have picked me. Or any other nice looking lady wearing glasses off the street. Is that what this is about? McCain’s not so subliminal selection, make presumably as his handlers were humming Oprah’s theme song, “I’m Every Woman”? Well, I don’t think America needs just any woman sitting in chair number 2. What was that closed door session like when Gov. Palin was selected? Something like this I would guess:

J Mc: “But she’s only been Governor for two years. Of Alaska. I don’t know guys…makes me look a little like a jerk for busting on Obama’s experience.”

Anonymous Handler: “John, listen to us. Apples and oranges. Obama is a man. Palin is a woman. Our supporters have very low expectations for the ladies, John! It’s great! The heartland will LOVE her. Anti abortion?! Sweet! Pro-drilling the crap out of Alaska?! Even better! Come on. All the right words come out of her pretty, pretty mouth. She was a beauty queen, for christ’s sake. AND she has a degree in communications. AND she has five kids! Her recipe for ground beef lasagne will make fantastic print. Its economical and delicious. AND she can balance a budget. Her glasses make her look hot, but not intimidating-hot. How could she be more perfect?! She’s everything Hillary isn’t. It’s what the ladies want, John. A girl like them.”

J Mc: “So…you guys aren’t worried about her lack of foreign policy experience?”

Anonymous Handler: “Don’t be such a ninny. People who would vote for you don’t really want a woman making foreign policy decisions anyway. You think they want to see a woman wearing pants and shaking hands with the prime minister of Israel?! Please. These folks just want a little lady common sense up there in the White House. Can’t count on Cindy for that because she’s too darn rich. Maybe voters would like to think Palin could give you some gentle, regular people womanly nudges from time to time. Remind you of your roots kind of thing.”

J Mc : “I don’t know. It seems contrived. Fakey. You don’t think it seems over produced to deal with the Hillary Problem?”

Anonymous Handler: “America likes over produced, John. We breathe it. Look at the numbers of people who watch “America’s Got Talent”. We have this one nailed, John.”

J Mc: “Well. If you think so. Should I hug her when I give her the nomination, or shake her hand? It just seems so weird.”

Anonymous Handler: “Just give her a squeeze and act like you are handing a nice big slice of apple pie to the people, John. With cheese on top. They’ll eat it up. “
Berry said:

September 13th, 2008 at 12:21 am

Nice work, Fitzgerald! And the other comments above are great too, especially the mock bull pen session with J Mc. I think that probably nailed the essence of it.
Domani Zuppa said:

September 13th, 2008 at 3:20 pm

She combines the eyewear of Tina Fey, the smug bravado of Michael Palin (Monty Python) and the hair of the Shangri-Las. Truly a mumbo-jumbo-gumbo for all seasons, and no reasons.